Catching Up

I've been rather slack with the updates over the past couple of weeks, so with the season proper beginning tomorrow I thought I'd catch up with the big transfer news of the last fortnight.

Kolo Toure

The cash burning at Eastlands continued with the purchase of Kolo Toure from Arsenal for a reported £16m. This takes City's summer spending to just shy of £4 billion. I've known people show more prudence with Monopoly money. The spending is set to continue with a £22m deal for Joleon Lescott in the offing. Lescott has made known his desire to leave Everton, and they in turn have been sounding out Phillippe Senderos as a replacement. If this transfer merry-go-round continues Arsenal will end up turning to Richard Dunne to shore up their defence. I doubt it though, they've had problems with pissheads in the past.

Darren Bent

Darren Bent managed to engineer himself a move to Sunderland by pissing of the Spurs top brass on his Twitter feed. For the uninitiated Twitter is a 'social networking' website where morons can spout cack to twats (I believe that's their promotional tagline). The selling point of Twitter is that all it allows you to do is post short messages to your feed, so that your 'followers' can know exactly what you're up to at any given time. Wow, what an amazing technological advance this is, now I need never wonder what Les Dennis is up to at 4am on a Wednesday*.

*Crying.

Xabi Alonso

The protracted Xabi Alonso saga is finally over with the Spaniard joining Real for £30m. It dawned on me today that I don't think I've ever seen Alonso run. Either that or he runs so slowly it's undetectable to the human eye. In fact when Claudio Ranieri was at Juventus he decided against signing Alonso for that very reason. Then again this was the man who fucked Chelsea's chances of a Champions League final by taking off a defender and replacing him with a striker, then taking off a midfielder and replacing him with a defender, and playing a striker in midfield. Tinkerman? Fucking lunatic more like.

Obafemi Martins

The expected mass exodus from Newcastle has finally begun to snowball. Firstly Obafemi Martins left the club to join German champions Wolfsburg. Then Tottenham confirmed they were in talks with Sebastien Bassong over a potential move. This was followed later in the day by the news that Hull had agreed a fee with the Toon for Habib Beye. Let's get this right: Newcastle are in some deep shit right now. They have no manager, an owner desperate to sell but no one willing to pay his price, players leaving seemingly by the minute and just two days before they start the season against West Brom. I'm seriously beginning to regret tipping them for the title.