The Sack Race

With any new season comes the inevitable sacking of managers. Occasionally they get hoofed due to their own incompetence, but mostly it's done thanks to the reactionary impulses of club chairmen. With this in mind I thought I'd assess my top three picks for this year's Premiership sack race.

Who?
Paul Hart - Portsmouth

Why?

Hart is one of the more unlikely candidates to be a Premier League manager. Prior to taking the reigns at Pompey last year his previous job had been a disastrous six month stint at Conference side Rushden & Diamonds. His most high profile failure was his three year stay with Forest where he achieved absolutely nothing. In fact he's achieved nothing in his entire managerial career. Yes, 21 years in management and what does he have to show for it? Fuck all. Not one trophy, not one title. Yet he was deemed worthy of managing a Premiership team. Insanity.

That alone is reason to put him as front runner in the sack race, but when you factor in the problems with the club itself his departure seems like an inevitability. Pompey are in the middle of a takeover that's left the future of the club up in the air. This lack of ownership means Hart has no money to buy new players. Plus the fact they've been selling off the family silver all summer, losing star names such as Peter Crouch and Glen Johnson to Prem rivals. The fact is Pompey are going to face a relegation battle all season, and if Hart is still in charge by the new year then I'm a fucking Dutchman*.

*waar zijn de toiletten, alsjeblieft?

Right decision?

Undoubtedly. This abject failure of a human being is not the right man for this, or any, club.

Who?
Phil Brown - Hull

Why?

Bearded, mouthy, over tanned self-publicist Phil Brown will struggle to keep his job this year. He was seen as a god in East Yorkshire for getting Hull to the big time, but he was single handedly responsible for their appalling/hilarious implosion last year. They started well but a moment of supreme arrogance and hubris from Brown made them plummet down the table and survive only by the skin of their teeth. When Brown decided to give his underperforming side an on-pitch halftime team-talk he not only destroyed the morale of his team but showed himself to be a twat of gargantuan proportions.

This summer has seen Hull rejected by every available player on the market: Michael Owen inexplicably chose to sign for the best club in the world, Villa gazumped them for Habib Beye after they had an offer accepted, and even Bobby Zamora refused to sink that low. This can't just be blamed on Hull's 'unfashionable' status, much of the blame has to be placed squarely at Brown's door. As long as he sees himself as more of a media personality than an employee of Hull City the club will not succeed. They will be relegated this season and he'll be a pundit on Channel 5 this time next year.

Right decision?

Yes, yes and thrice yes. The man is an orange faced bellend and should be given his P45 immediately.

Who?
Alex McLeish - Birmingham

Why?

He may be an outside bet but he's far from safe in his job. It's no secret that he's hardly endeared himself to the board, with them having to publicly back him last year, even when they were top of the league. The dull, functional football that the team play has also made him unpopular with the Birmingham fans, a notoriously hard to please bunch (read: miserable cunts). Whilst I can't entirely blame him for this he will need to develop a better rapport with the supporters if he wants to keep his job.

Last season he struggled to bring in players due to a lack of funds, but this year the board have opened up their wallets and allowed him to splash out on established Prem players and unproven, but highly rated, foreigners. This will only serve to pile further pressure on him though as he no longer has any excuse for boring, defensive football. I fear that if Birmingham find themselves anywhere near the bottom three by Christmas then Big Eck will be fishing around the SPL for a new job.

Right decision?

Probably not, but frankly I couldn't give a lusty fuck about the boring jock shit anyway.