Bring On The Sunderland...

Results and Predictions

2009-09-19T12:37:00.005+01:00

Due to a lack of time I'm having to combine last week's results post and this week's prediction post, with both in a far more abbreviated form than usual. It was honours even between Lawro and I with 5 results out of 10 each, bringing our running tally to Me 3.5 - Lawro 1.5.

Mark Lawrenson & Graeme Souness

Lawro's predictions for this week can be found here, mine are as follows:

Arsenal Vs Wigan - Home win
Villa Vs Portsmouth - Home win
Bolton Vs Stoke - Draw
Burnley Vs Sunderland - Home win
Hull Vs Birmingham - Draw
West Ham Vs Liverpool - Away win
Chelsea Vs Spurs - Home win
Everton Vs Blackburn - Home win
Man Utd Vs Man City - Away win
Wolves Vs Fulham - Draw

Prem Predictions 11/09

2009-09-11T19:31:00.003+01:00

My faith in international football has been partially restored after England's royal t hrashing of Croatia on Wednesday. So comfortable were we, and so inept were they, that it ceased to be a competition after our third went in. We're still a long way from being World Cup winners, but after eight perfect results in qualifying few could doubt that Fabio Capello was the correct appointment. Croatia's Slaven Bilic, however, will no doubt be packing his bags and heading to the Premiership sooner rather than later. Talking of the Prem it's time for the next round of my battle against Mark Lawrenson, a man for whom talking bullshit is an art-form. Here are my picks:

Slaven having a tab

Blackburn Vs Wolverhampton
I think Blackburn are due a win, but Wolves are full of spirit and fight.
Prediction: Three points for the home side.

Liverpool Vs Burnley
Burnley have provided a couple of shocks already this season, but I can't see the scousers struggling here.
Prediction: Liverpool win by a couple.

Man City Vs Arsenal
Two of the form sides meet with the extra spice of City's ex-Arsenal contingent meeting their former employers.
Prediction: A flowing, open game ends in a stalemate.

Portsmouth Vs Bolton
A game that no human actually wants to pay to see, this will be dire.
Prediction: The definition of bore draw.

Stoke Vs Chelsea
This will be a tougher game for Chelsea than it looks on paper, they'll need to be at their best to get a win here.
Prediction: The blues will just scrape the win.

Sunderland Vs Hull
Sunderland need to get back to winning ways and Hull are the best team to face to do that.
Prediction: Sunderland win with relative comfort.

Tottenham Vs Man Utd
This promises to be an absolute cracker, should be plenty of goals and some great football.
Prediction: They'll cancel each other out for an entertaining draw.

Wigan Vs West Ham
Wigan haven't looked good since the first day of the season, and this is their opportunity to turn things around.
Prediction: Wigan win by the odd goal.

Birmingham Vs Aston Villa
Should be a spicy encounter with local bragging rights at stake, and both teams are getting better each week.
Prediction: I'm going to go with my gut and say Birmingham will nick it.

Fulham Vs Everton
Possibly the most open match of the weekend, with two solid teams each capable of good football.
Prediction: Tough to call, so I'll say a draw.

How To Save ITV

2009-09-08T19:17:00.009+01:00

I must admit that I've been largely neglecting this blog of late. Events in football have been massively boring recently. There's been very little that I could, or would, write about. All we've had is the transfer window closing with a whimper rather than a bang, some mundane shite about Chelsea's dodgy dealings and international football.

International football leaves me cold. I truly couldn't give two shits about England winning a meaningless friendly against sub-standard opposition. Does our victory over Slovenia have any bearing on how we'll perform in South Africa? Of course not. Did we learn anything about our players that we didn't already know? Not at all. Will the game have prepared the squad for the much more difficult task of taking on the Croatians? Almost certainly not.

Andy "tactics truck" Townsend

Events were not helped by the game being broadcast on ITV either. ITV has the worst commentary team in the world. Actually, I take that back, as the main commentators, specifically Clive Tyldesley, are accomplished and experienced play-by-play men. It is the mentally challenged buffoons that accompany them, offering banal observations and insipid quips, that make ITV coverage unwatchable.

David Pleat's deficiencies are well documented, the man is a moron who wilfully mispronounces players names. I remember him repeatedly referring to Youri Djorkaeff as "jerkoff". Perhaps this was in reference to Pleat's arrest for kerb-crawling. On Saturday England fans were subjected to the dubious wisdom of Andy Townsend, a man for whom an insightful comment is "he's really kicked the ball there", or "this certainly is football".

The studio team are no better. Steve Ryder has all the personality of a flannel, and all the football acumen of Sir Clive Woodward. Why he was given the reigns and the vastly more reliable Gaby Logan was given the boot I'll never know. And the less I say about Matt Smith's stilted delivery the better. He sounds like he's recovering from a head injury. Robbie Earle is a surprisingly game and astute pundit, but compared to BBC rivals Hansen, Dixon, Shearer et al he's a rank amateur.

Jeff Stelling

So the question is...how can we fix it? Job one: Sack Steve Ryder. Replace him with someone who actually knows about football. ITV must get out their cheque book and poach Jeff Stelling from Sky. It'd take a lot of money to do so but it'd be worth it in the long run. Not only does Stelling know football better than most, but his relaxed, humourous attitude would bring some sorely needed levity to ITV's funereal proceedings.

If we're bringing in Jeff then we need to bring in one or two of his Soccer Saturday cohorts as his punditry team. I'd poach Charlie Nicholas and Phil Thompson. Both have a wealth of experience and knowledge, and aren't afraid to get into a full blooded debate. I'd also pair them up with current ITV pundit Ian Wright, one of the most passionate, if not most lucid, pundits working today.

I'd also bring in Chris Kamara to be pitch side reporter. He can make even the most tedious of games seem genuinely exciting by way of shouting "unbelievable" and appearing as though his head is about to explode. This is in direct contrast to Gabriel Clarke who can make a mind-blowing five goal thriller seem about as interesting as a day trip to Whitley Bay.

"Bigot" Ron

But who should replace Pleat and Townsend in that heralded co-commentary position? My first suggestion would be Mark Bright. He's currently being wasted by the BBC, forced to commentate on the likes of the African Cup of Nations and the Women's FA Cup. Neither of which are strictly football. In recent years he's grown in stature and would make a real improvement to the ITV team.

My final suggestion is this...bring back Ron Atkinson. Now, I know this is a contentious and controversial suggestion, in light of him being a crazy old bastard, but lest we forget he's also a great co-commentator. His humour, intuition and ability to make up terms (lollipops?) made Ron's commentary a delight. Yes, he's made some mistakes, but he's done his time and I think he should be back where he belongs...in David Pleat's chair.

Me 3 - Lawro 1

2009-09-01T19:07:00.002+01:00

Just time to do a brief round-up of the last set of Prem results. Once again I managed to stick it to my verbal-diarrhoea afflicted foe by correctly predicting seven out of ten Prem results to Lawro's six. Suck on that you northern twat.

Villa goalscorer Gabriel Agbonlahor

Blackburn Vs West Ham
Me: Draw. Lawro: Blackburn. Result: Blackburn 0 - 0 West Ham

Bolton Vs Liverpool
Me: Liverpool. Lawro: Liverpool. Result: Bolton 2 - 3 Liverpool

Chelsea Vs Burnley
Me: Chelsea. Lawro: Chelsea. Result: Chelsea 3 - 0 Burnley

Man Utd Vs Arsenal
Me: Draw. Lawro: Draw. Result: Man Utd 2 - 1 Arsenal

Stoke Vs Sunderland
Me: Draw. Lawro: Draw. Result: Stoke 1 - 0 Sunderland

Tottenham Vs Birmingham
Me: Spurs. Lawro: Spurs. Result: Tottenham 2 - 1 Birmingham

Wolves Vs Hull
Me: Wolves. Lawro: Wolves. Result: Wolves 1 - 1 Hull

Aston Villa Vs Fulham
Me: Villa. Lawro: Villa. Result: Villa 2 - 0 Fulham

Everton Vs Wigan
Me: Everton. Lawro: Everton. Result: Everton 2 - 1 Wigan

Portsmouth Vs Man City
Me: City. Lawro: City. Result: Pompey 0 - 1 Man City

My lead returns to two. I'll have this weekend's predictions up by Friday.

Prediction race: Me 3 - Lawro 1

Why I Love Football #1

2009-08-29T22:51:00.008+01:00

In yet another new, regular* feature of the blog I'm going to highlight incidents in football that make me love the sport. I'm not putting any restrictions on this, all it has to be is something that reaffirms my appreciation of the beautiful game and puts a smile on my face.

*do not take this literally.

"Moi?"

The first entry is Arsene Wenger's reaction to being sent to the stands in the game against Manchester United. Wenger was sent off for booting a bottle up the touchline, and instead of skulking down the tunnel, or heading up to the directors box, he placed himself defiantly in front of the United fans.

He stood, arms outstretched, Christ-like, on an elevated platform in front of the opposition fans as they shouted, booed and jeered. He had the look of a man who didn't give a fuck, and then the United fans began to clap and cheer. I've never been a Wenger fan (his chronic myopia is a constant irritation to me) but this brought a shit-eating grin to my face. Great stuff.

Prem Predictions 28/08

2009-08-28T10:37:00.006+01:00

My faux-Irish nemesis got one over on me last week reducing my lead to one point. Here are my predictions for the fourth round of Premiership games:

Kenwyne Jones

Blackburn Vs West Ham

I find it difficult to write about Blackburn as I really don't give a shit about them. They seem a fairly strong side but have yet to pick up a point. West Ham will be looking for a positive result after the disgusting scenes at Upton Park in the League Cup.

Prediction: Can't see any result but a draw here.

Bolton Vs Liverpool

Much like Blackburn I really don't give a lusty fuck about Bolton (and any other low rent Lancashire team). Bolton will be on the defensive the whole game as Liverpool will look to avenge their recent poor run of results. They need a whipping boy and Bolton might be it.

Prediction: Bolton will be tough to break down but Liverpool will prevail.

Chelsea Vs Burnley

Two weeks ago I'd have called this a 'no-brainer', but Burnley have shown real character, and ability, of late. That said no one gets their own way at Stamford Bridge except the home side. Chelsea are unbeaten this season and have shown real resilience without ever being at their best.

Prediction: Chelsea win to bring Burnley back to earth.

Man Utd Vs Arsenal

I cannot wait for this one, I pray that it lives up to its promise. After a shaky start the champs looked like their old selves in demolishing Wigan. Arsenal are scoring goals for fun and are the form side. Despite the strength of their respective attacks I don't think there'll be too many goals in this one.

Prediction: A draw is the likely, and fairest, result.

Stoke Vs Sunderland

Stoke have made a good signing in Robert Huth and hope to have his former 'Boro colleague Tuncay in their ranks by the weekend. Sunderland are strong and adventurous and will take the game to Stoke. A lot depends on how well Bent and Jones play.

Prediction: An entertaining draw.

Tottenham Vs Birmingham

The league's other form team take on the new boys who are still finding their feet. I can't see Spurs not scoring in this game which means Brum will need to score two to stand any chance of winning. 'Chuco' Benitez is growing with each game and should pose a threat.

Prediction: Spurs too strong for the blues.

Wolverhampton Vs Hull

The clash of the gaudy, retina scorching shirts. Wolves have shown signs of ability but have failed to convert chances into goals. Hull are a Jekyll and Hyde side, sometimes they look a Premier quality team, other times they look a Blue Square Premier quality team.

Prediction: Wolves win by the odd goal.

Aston Villa Vs Fulham

Villa have had an up and down season so far and they really need to find some consistency. The purchases of Stephen Warnock and, eventually, Richard Dunne should go a long way to stabilising their defence. Fulham will grind out results and are a handful for any team.

Prediction: Villa bounce back from their Europa League exit with a win.

Everton Vs Wigan

Everton have looked really poor this season, but now the Lescott saga is over they should be able to concentrate on their game again. Wigan have a good manager with good ideas, sadly the players just aren't good enough to execute them.

Prediction: Everton pick up their first win of the season.

Portsmouth Vs Man City

Pompey have finally been sold to their shifty new Arab owner, but far too late in the window to affect their shitty squad. Man City are scoring, keeping clean sheets and reaping the early rewards of their massive expenditure. Their new superstars are blending well with their old heads and things are looking good.

Prediction: Baring a major fuck up City will win at a canter.

The Bad Old Days

2009-08-27T11:37:00.007+01:00

Cockney Scum

I'm about to say something that may shock and surprise you: a Millwall game ended in racism and violence. Millwall are usually bastions of fair play and equality, with an impeccably behaved set of fans that are a credit to our national game. I'm being sarcastic, of course. Millwall are known scum. As are West Ham. What happens when scum meets scum? It's a simple equation: scum X scum = bloodshed. That's why it's no surprise at all that the League Cup match between the two sides ended in a riot.

The violence started before the match with pitched battles between the two sets of 'fans', culminating in the stabbing of one man. The trouble continued after kick off as three pitch invasions took place, forcing the players to leave the field. During the game Carlton Cole was subjected to monkey chants from the Millwall supporters, West Ham fans responded by doing the same to Jason Price. After the match the rioting continued on the streets of East London well into the night. The year is 2009.

This has brought the beautiful game crashing back into the 1980s, with scenes that we believed had all but vanished. This is a huge blow to England's 2018 world Cup bid. Will FIFA really want their showpiece event taking place in a country where racism and violence still rears it's ugly head? Of course not. This is exactly the reason why we haven't staged a World Cup since 1966 and exactly the reason why we won't get one in 2018. The despicable acts of the few have once again ruined it for the many.

These so-called 'fans' are a disgrace. Not only to club but to country. Do they not realise that their actions will not only get them banned for life from football (something which the clubs have vowed to do) but will also find their nation denied the World Cup once more. They'll be quick to bitch and whine if we don't get it, but will never blame themselves for it. Banning them from football is not enough, they should be deported to some fucking backward colony and allowed to kick the shit out of each other for all eternity.

And what of the clubs, will they face the wrath of the FA? Will they fuck, especially not West Ham. West Ham, you see, are the FA's golden boys. They won us the World Cup, don't you know? They're Trevor Brooking's team, and for that reason they will escape real punishment (a measly fine does not count) just like they have over the Carlos Tevez affair. The rules, it seems, do not apply to West Ham. If this incident had involved a team outside of the M25, Sheffield United for example, you can be sure that the FA would have rained down fire and brimstone upon them. West Ham will get a slap on the wrist.

What should be done? Well, Millwall lost the game so are already out of the cup. West Ham should be booted from the tournament. Until they can prove that their fans are fit to represent them they should not be allowed to compete in the cup. Perhaps West Ham's third round opponents should be given a bye. Perhaps all of the losing second round teams should be put in a hat and the name drawn should get a second chance. Neither solution is fair, but it's a damn sight fairer than allowing these cockney bastards to play any further part in the League Cup.

Good Bad Ugly 25/08

2009-08-25T17:51:00.007+01:00

Chadwick: A face only a mother could love

I've come up with a new regular feature for this blog (and by 'regular' I mean highly irregular and possibly even a complete one off). I call it 'Good Bad Ugly'. Original title, I know. In this feature I will discuss three of the big stories in football, one under the banner of Good, one under Bad and one under Ugly. Genius, yes? Now, the concepts of Good and Bad are fairly self explanatory, but Ugly has a broader brief. I guess it could relate to an ugly incident such as a bad challenge, it could relate to an ugly situation such as protracted transfer affair, or it could relate to an ugly twat such as Luke Chadwick. We'll see.

The Good

The Premier League title race

OK, so we're only two/three games in but already the title picture is looking far different to what we anticipated. Man United looked poor in their opening couple of games, and even lost to Burnley. The notoriously slow starters got it right against Wigan but they need consistency. Arsenal were written off as no-hopers but have scored 10 goals in two games. Their free flowing passing style has been coupled with a killer instinct in front of goal, which will make for some fascinating matches this term. Chelsea have a perfect record but their once impeccable defence has been penetrated by Hull and Sunderland. Liverpool have lost two out of three and seem in real trouble. The loss of Alsonso has left them without shape, and Lucas is no kind of replacement.

And what of the chasing pack, those teams trying to break the hegemony of the 'big four'? Moneybags Man City have also had a perfect start but have hardly been blowing the competition away with their Eastlands Galacticos. Last year's closest challengers Everton and Villa have both had shaky starts and need to improve their squads quickly. Undoubtedly the surprise package have been Spurs, three wins out of three led by the imperious Jermain Defoe. If anyone is going to break into the top four then it'll be Spurs, but it's a long, hard season. The true test will be to see how they react once they do lose, and they will.

Few can disagree that the Premier League is the greatest in the world, certainly in terms of pure football. The accusation that's often levelled at the Prem is the predictability of the top four (possibly even the top six). On this early showing it looks like things are starting to change. Obviously this could be a false dawn, and we won't really know where we stand until Christmas, but from where we stand right now things are looking good.

The Bad

The stabbing of Calum Davenport

On Saturday West Ham player Calum Davenport was stabbed in a frenzied attack at his mother's home in Bedfordshire. The boyfriend of Davenport's sister has been charged with the attack. Davenport's mother was also injured and both are still in hospital in a stable condition. It appears that the accused, Worrel Whitehurst, targeted Davenport's legs, as both were repeatedly stabbed. From this it's obvious that Whitehurst intended to end Davenport's career, targeting the implements of his success.

It's currently too early to tell if Davenport will fully recover, but his career is said to be 'in the balance', some reports even suggest that he may lose his left leg. No one yet knows why Davenport was attacked, but I'd wager that money was involved. Here's my guess: Davenport's sister fell in with a bad crowd, one of whom was Whitehurst. Whitehurst realised that he could make a few quid from Davenport so tried to get money out of him. when Davenport refused Whitehurst stabbed him. Obviously this is pure speculation, but I bet I'm on the right track. I guess we'll find out during the trial.

The Ugly
The Joleon Lescott transfer saga

This ugly affair is finally over with Lescott passing a medical at Man City, finalising his £22m move. This saga has done nobody any favours. Firstly it has shown Lescott to be a mercenary, money-grabbing bastard. To push so hard for a move from one mid-table Prem side to another can't purely be about ambition, it's mostly about doubling his wages. When Everton rejected the first couple of bids Lescott should have put his head down and worked hard. He should have been professional. Instead he handed in a transfer request then played awfully in Everton's opening game, leading to their 6-1 whomping.

Mark Hughes and Man City have hardly come out of this smelling of roses. They were rejected numerous times, but instead of walking away they took the attitude of "we're the richest club in the world and won't be denied" and kept pushing and pushing until Lescott and Everton were completely unsettled. Once Lescott's head was turned Everton had no choice but to sell as it was obvious he'd burned his bridges. David Moyes, and the fans, would never allow him in an Everton shirt again.

Moyes is the only party to come out with any credit over this. He refused the advances of Man City. He wouldn't bow to their financial clout and vowed to hold on to one of his star assets. He understood that if Everton were to progress they could not be a selling club. After it was obvious that Lescott didn't want to be there Moyes dropped him from the squad. City's pressure and Lescott's avarice had caused this situation, and Moyes dealt with it in the best way he knew. I've no doubt that if the deal hadn't gone through Moyes would have let Lescott rot in the reserves for the rest of his contract. And he'd have been right to do so.

Me 2 - Lawro 1

2009-08-24T11:30:00.005+01:00

It's a win for Lawro this week as he managed to correctly predict seven out of ten results compared to my measly five. Here's a brief round up:

Michael Owen

Arsenal Vs Portmouth
Me: Arsenal. Lawro: Arsenal. Result: Arsenal 4 - 1 Pompey

This was obvious to anyone with any knowledge of football. Arsenal are on fire and Pompey are appalling. An injury to Fabregas is a huge blow to the Gunners.

Birmingham Vs Stoke
Me: Draw. Lawro: Draw. Result: Brum 0 - 0 Stoke

Every bit as boring as I expected it to be. Can't even bring myself to say any more about it.

Hull Vs Bolton
Me: Draw. Lawro: Hull. Result: Hull 1 - 0 Bolton

Hull get their first win in what seems like 40 years. Bolton are one of those teams that are destined to be also-rans for their rest of their existence.

Man City Vs Wolves
Me: City. Lawro: City. Result: Man City 1 - 0 Wolves

The scoreline flatters City as Wolves could have easily got something here. City's star strikers, Tevez and Adebayor, combine for the winner.

Sunderland Vs Blackburn
Me: Sunderland. Lawro: Sunderland. Result: Sunderland 2 - 1 Blackburn

Another fine Kenwyne Jones performance keeps Sunderland's great start going. Blackburn look OK and shouldn't struggle this year.

Wigan Vs Man Utd
Me: Draw. Lawro: United. Result: Wigan 0 - 5 United

Michael Owen's first goal helps the champs to a thumping victory. After a good start to the season Wigan really need to settle down and start scoring, especially at home.

West Ham Vs Tottenham
Me: West Ham. Lawro: Draw. Result: West Ham 1 - Spurs 2

Tottenham's perfect start continues and Defoe looks unstoppable. Roll on the North London derby.

Burnley Vs Everton
Me: Everton. Lawro: Everton. Result: Burnley 1 - 0 Everton

Burnley prove that their win over United wasn't a fluke. Everton need new players and ideas immediately.

Fulham Vs Chelsea
Me: Chelsea. Lawro: Chelsea. Result: Fulham 0 - 2 Chelsea

When Drogba and Anelka score Chelsea don't lose. Fulham had no chance against their local rivals.

Liverpool Vs Aston Villa
Me: Liverpool. Lawro: Liverpool. Result: Liverpool 1 - 3 Villa

That's two defeats out of three for Liverpool now. They only lost twice in the entirety of last season. Too early to tell if this is the turning point for Villa.

Prediction race: Me 2 - Lawro 1

Prem Predictions 21/08

2009-08-21T21:13:00.007+01:00

Round three of my Premiership predictions, where I lead Lawro 2-0. I haven't got time to do in-depth analysis so I'll keep it brief.

Eduardo

Arsenal Vs Portsmouth

Arsenal look imperious, Portsmouth look shite. If Pompey get anything from this game then I'm going to start watching rugby, a true gentleman's game.

Prediction: Easy Gunners victory.

Birmingham Vs Stoke

Stoke will put up more competition for Birmingham than Pompey did, but Brum should have enough to hold on.

Prediction: Bore draw.

Hull Vs Bolton

This will not be a good match. You never know which Hull side will turn up, and Bolton are basically a non-entity.

Prediction: Bore draw mk2.

Man City Vs Wolves

Man City will look to build on their opening day win and I can't see Wolves putting up much of a fight.

Prediction: City superstars do it again.

Sunderland Vs Blackburn

Blackburn have looked better than expected this season, but Sunderland are showing signs of real class.

Prediction: Sunderland take three points.

Wigan Vs Man Utd

Both sides were poor this week and I expect improvements all round. I think there may be a twist in the tale though.

Prediction: Hard fought draw.

Burnley Vs Everton

Tough one to call. Burnley are buoyant after beating the champs, and Everton are shaken after a hammering by Arsenal.

Prediction: An Everton win brings Burnley back to earth.

Fulham Vs Chelsea

A local derby that tends to bring the best out in both sides. Fulham will fight but Chelsea have already proven their resilience this season.

Prediction: Three wins out of three for Chelsea

West Ham Vs Tottenham

As good as Spurs have looked this term consistency has never been their strong suit. West Ham look a team capable of upsets.

Prediction: West Ham sneak it.

Liverpool Vs Villa

A game of this magnitude has come to soon for Villa who look as bad as they did at the tail end of last season. Liverpool look full of endeavour and goals.

Prediction: A routine Liverpool victory.

Sense From Supple

2009-08-21T20:57:00.007+01:00

Shane Supple

This is one of the strangest stories I've ever heard in football: 22 year old Ipswich keeper Shane Supple has decided to retire after apparently "falling out of love" with the game. Supple is highly rated at Ipswich and held the number one jersey for a time before the arrival of Richard Wright last season. He made his decision and talked it through with manager Roy Keane who was willing to cancel his contract.

My first reaction to this story was "what a twat", but having given it more thought I think it's one of the bravest and most sensible things I've ever heard from a sportsman. He decided that his heart wasn't in it, and instead of sticking with it purely for the pay he's decided to give it all up and find something that really interests him.

Every job on earth is populated by people who can't stand what they do, so why should football be any different? There must be tens, if not hundreds, of footballers who stay in the game for the money, or because they think it's all they're capable of. Young Shane has taken a courageous decision to come out of his comfort zone and find something he loves. So few people would ever do that, especially in an industry as well paid as professional football. I applaud him.

Me 2 - Lawro 0

2009-08-20T19:05:00.009+01:00

I'm starting to build up a lead against my once-moustachioed foe. It's now 2-0 to me after I correctly predicted three results out of six compared to Lawro's two. Here's how the chips fell:

Burnley fans: officially loving it

Sunderland Vs Chelsea
My prediction: draw. Lawro's prediction: draw. Result: Sunderland 1 - Chelsea 3

Count Chelsea out at your peril. They started shakily once again as they had against Hull, but they rallied to a devastating comeback, outclassing Sunderland in all areas of the park. The positive for the Mackems is that new signing Darren Bent got on the scoresheet again and his partnership with Kenwyne Jones is getting better by the game.

Wigan Vs Wolves
My prediction: Wigan win. Lawro's prediction: Wigan win. Result: Wigan 0 - Wolves 1

A real surprise here. After the easy victory over Villa I (and Lawro) thought this would be a formality for Wigan, but Wolves scuppered that idea. Wigan will be fine but they need to add to their squad asap. Wolves will need to pick up more results like this if they're to have any chance of escaping the drop.

Birmingham Vs Portsmouth
My prediction: Brum win. Lawro's prediction: Brum win. Result: Brum 1 - 0 Pompey

This one went as expected. Portsmouth look a real shambles. David James is upset over the penalty incident, but to be fair to the ref I think he had every right to give it, James clattered Larsson, intentionally or not. It looks like Brum will soon be under the ownership of Carson Yeung, whereas Pompey's ownership situation is far from resolved.

Burnley Vs Man Utd
My prediction: United win. Lawro's prediction: United win. Result: Burnley 1 - 0 United

My good god. What the fuck happened here? Newly promoted Burnley handed the champions their asses. A wonder strike from Robbie Blake and a penalty save from the beast Brian Jensen helped Burnley to an unlikely victory. United are notoriously slow starters but this was shocking. Burnley will be brimming with confidence, whereas United will be shell-shocked going into their next fixture.

Hull Vs Tottenham
My prediction: Spurs win. Lawro's prediction: Draw. Result: Hull 1 - 5 Spurs

Spurs were quite magnificent in this game, and the true star was Jermain Defoe, smashing in a remarkable hat-trick against a poor Tigers side. Hull didn't look anything like the team that so gamely challenged Chelsea at the weekend. Spurs on the other hand looked like genuine Champions League contenders. Five goals for club and country this season make Defoe the top boy in the Prem right now.

Liverpool Vs Stoke
My prediction: Liverpool win. Lawro's prediction: Liverpool win. Result: Liverpool 4 - 0 Stoke

This is the result I predicted but I didn't expect it to be this emphatic. It was the perfect response after their poor showing against Spurs. A thoroughly professional performance was typified by a man of the match performance from Glen Johnson, capped with a superb goal. As with last season Stoke are rock solid at home but weak on the road.

I think it's safe to say that both Lawro and I did pathetically this week. But who cares, I still won.

Prediction race: Me 2 - 0 Lawro

Prem Predictions 17/08

2009-08-17T20:01:00.008+01:00

It's time for round two of this year's Premiership predictions, I just shaded Lawro last round with five correct results to his four, let's see if I can repeat the feat. (FYI I make my predictions before I view Lawro's, so occasionally they'll be identical, but not often, he's an idiot.)

Rooney celebrates

Sunderland Vs Chelsea

Not an easy one to call here. Chelsea stuttered to an opening day victory against Hull, whilst Sunderland looked impressive away at Bolton. Ancelotti will demand a much better performance from his players, and he'll get it, but I don't think it'll necessarily be enough. I can see Sunderland nicking something here, especially if Bent and Jones are firing on all cylinders.

Prediction: Hard fought draw.

Wigan Vs Wolves

Wigan looked great in their opening game and will want to repeat that level of performance for their first home game of the season. Wolves' big problem lies with their lack of strikers, with Doyle, Iwelumo and possibly Ebanks-Blake missing it's difficult to see where the goals will come from.

Prediction: Two losses out of two for Wolves.

Birmingham Vs Portsmouth

Birmingham more than held their own against the champions at the weekend, so a visit by Pompey should be a fairly routine affair. Portsmouth looked every inch as bad as suspected at the weekend and are in serious trouble. The deal with the new owners is looking shakier by the day and they just don't have a squad capable of competing in the big league anymore.

Prediction: A relatively comfortable win for Brum.

Burnley Vs Man Utd

The game that every Burnley fan has been waiting for. The Clarets have had joy against top-end Prem teams before, most notably in last season's cups, but this will be a very different affair. Man Utd will be looking to improve on their average performance at the weekend, and will also be aware that with Liverpool slipping up they could start to build an early lead against their old enemy.

Prediction: United won't have it all their own way but will claim all three points.

Hull Vs Tottenham

Tough one to call (I certainly wouldn't have said that one week ago). Hull put up a very impressive performance against Chelsea and if they keep playing like that they could beat anybody. Spurs took the scalp of Liverpool and will be buoyant coming into this game. They look every inch a top six team.

Prediction: Spurs edge it, but only just.

Liverpool Vs Stoke

Liverpool will be furious after their opening day defeat to Spurs, and will be looking to bounce back immediately with an emphatic win. Stoke are a hard side to break down, and looked an established Premiership team at the weekend, but going to Anfield is a far different proposition to playing Burnley at home.

Prediction: A stylish win for Liverpool.

Bad Luck Colin

2009-08-17T19:09:00.011+01:00

Colin Wanker

It's been a tough week for Neil Warnock. Firstly Crystal Palace were denied a perfectly legitimate goal due to refereeing incompetence, then Bristol scored a 90th minute winner after a Palace defensive fuck up. He then received an apology from referees' head Keith Hackett but was denied the chance to replay the game. This incident brings up two distinct yet equally valid points, which I'll take in turn.

Colin Wanker

Valid point one: goal line technology must be investigated.

Crystal Palace were denied a goal by the ineptitude of the referee and his linesman, ineptitude that could have been avoided if they'd had a fourth official checking a goal line camera replay. This surely would have taken no longer than 20 seconds to investigate, far less time than it took to calm down Warnock so that the game could continue. Instant replays are utilised in both cricket and rugby and in no way slow the game down (to be fair it'd be impossible to slow cricket down).

Had the goal stood then Palace would have been in the driving seat in the game. As it happened they were shaken by an atrocious decision and eventually lost the game. They were effectively cheated out of a possible result by old fashioned thinking and a lack of simple technology. Purists (read: miserable twats) will claim that over the course of a season some decisions will go for you, others against you, and it all evens out in the end. I say: why should we rely on unscientific guess-work such as this? Why not have the technology that gives us on-the-spot definitive answers?

Colin Wanker

Valid point two: Neil Warnock is a cunt.

Now, I almost feel a grain of sympathy for Warnock as for once he's in the right. Neil feels cheated every week, even if they win comfortably, but this time he actually has a case. The problem is instead of stating his case with grace and decorum, he decided to state it like Neil Warnock, i.e. as a mouthy, petulant, big-nosed cry-baby cunt.

Instead of venting his fury solely towards the match officials for fucking up, he decided to aim some of his northern wrath at Bristol manager Gary Johnson. Warnock's argument is that Johnson and his players should have admitted to the ref that it was a goal, or perhaps even allow Palace to walk the ball into the goal as recompense. That would have been a gentlemanly thing to do, sure, but it would also have been stupid. When you're handed a massive stroke of luck you don't throw it away. Johnson did what 99.9% of managers would have done in his position: nothing.

It would be rich of Warnock to claim that Johnson wasn't gentlemanly, after he himself refused to shake the hands of the Bristol players or manager after the game. That highlighted Warnock's typical lack of class and gross self-interest. The true victims of this are the Palace fans. Actually, no, I take that back. The true victims of this are us, the normal people, as we're the ones who will have to listen to Warnock harp on about this for the rest of his fucking life. Cunt.

Me 1 - Lawro 0

2009-08-16T18:14:00.010+01:00

So I managed to predict five out of ten correct results in this weekend's Prem fixtures. That's one more than Mark Lawrenson managed. Each week I will predict the big league fixtures and compare them to Lawro's picks, so that at the end of the season I'll see if I'm a better judge of the game than the BBC's so-called 'football expert'. Let's see how I did.

Sebastien Bassong

Aston Villa Vs Wigan
My prediction: Villa win. Lawro's prediction: Villa win. Result: Villa 0 - Wigan 2

I did not see that coming. Villa were awful, had so few ideas and looked toothless in front of goal. Wigan, on the other hand, were fluid and confident going forward. Martinez has already got Wigan playing in the style that made Swansea a joy to watch last term. Villa need new blood and new ideas, and they need them fast.

Blackburn Vs Man City
My prediction: City win. Lawro's prediction: Draw. Result: Blackburn 0 - City 2

City won, but not easily. The 3rd minute opener from new boy Adebayor made it seem like it would be a rout, but Blackburn held firm and often had the better of the play. Multi-million pound signings aside, the star of the show for City was Stephen Ireland, and his wonderfully taken goal capped a solid City performance.

Bolton Vs Sunderland
My prediction: Draw. Lawro's prediction: Draw. Result: Bolton 0 - Sunderland 1

Darren Bent scored a debut goal to hand Sunderland the win in this surprisingly entertaining encounter. Bent and Kenwyne Jones linked together well and I think they'll be a formidable partnership. Bolton are nothing special but they'll do enough to avoid the relegation battle.

Chelsea Vs Hull
My prediction: Chelsea Win. Lawro's prediction: Chelsea win. Result: Chelsea 2 - Hull 1

Hull will have left Stamford Bridge with their heads held high, as an excellent team performance gave Chelsea a real scare. Chelsea hate figure Stephen Hunt put Hull in the lead and it took an injury time winner from Didier Drogba to finally swing things Chelsea's way. The blues will have to drastically improve if they want to challenge for the title. If Hull can play this way all year (and not capitulate half way through the season) they'll do just fine.

Everton Vs Arsenal
My prediction: Draw. Lawro's prediction: Everton win. Result: Everton 1 - Arsenal 6

Wow. Just wow. Arsenal blew Everton out of the water and they didn't even break a sweat. Fabregas pulled the strings and the rest of the team ran riot. It seems too easy to say that the ongoing Lescott transfer saga affected the team, but the Everton defenced seemed distracted all game. It's too early to tell if this result is indicative of anything for either team, but one thing's certain: Arsenal are just as much fun to watch as they've ever been. Don't write them off yet.

Portsmouth Vs Fulham
My prediction: Fulham win. Lawro's prediction: Fulham win. Result: Pompey 0 - Fulham 1

This one went down exactly as I had predicted. And it was the last game on Match of the Day, just like I said. Portsmouth are in real trouble and are looking bankers for relegation. Fulham have carried on where they left off last season and the incoming Damien Duff will only boost their chances of success.

Stoke Vs Burnley
My prediction: Stoke win. Lawro's prediction: Stoke win. Result: Stoke 2 - Burnley 0

Another game that went exactly as I'd predicted. Stoke looked solid, and scored a typical goal as a result of a trademark Rory Delap throw in. It's too early to judge Burnley and their chances of survival, as most teams struggle at the Britannia.

Wolves Vs West Ham
My prediction: Wolves win. Lawro's prediction: Wolves win. Result: Wolves 0 - West Ham 2

Wolves looked decidedly shaky in their first game back with the big boys. An injury to star striker Sylvain Ebanks-Blake near the end could be costly for them over the next few weeks, but they looked to have uncovered a diamond in Nenad Milijas. West Ham looked lively and full of goals. A wonder strike from Mark Noble is a firm contender for goal of the month.

Man Utd Vs Birmingham
My prediction: United win. Lawro's prediction: United win. Result: United 1 - Birmingham 0

A tough opener for the champions, who certainly didn't have it all their own way. Birmingham pressed and pushed and had plenty of chances to score, especially after Christian Benitez came off the bench. The Ecuadorian looks a real live wire. A Wayne Rooney goal was enough to settle the encounter, but Michael Owen will be kicking himself for missing a last minute chance when he was clean through on goal.

Tottenham Vs Liverpool
My prediction: Liverpool win. Lawro's prediction: Draw. Result: Spurs 2 - Liverpool 1

An early setback on Liverpool's challenge for the title in this even contest that could have gone either way. The reds were punished by a debut goal from Sebastien Bassong after Benoit Assou-Ekotto opened the scoring with a thunderous 30 yard strike. Spurs look like genuine challengers to the top four, but Liverpool need to regroup and rebound if they've any chance of securing their first title in 19 years.

So there we have it, one week down in the Premier League and already we've had thrilling games, shocks, surprises and wonder goals. It's going to be a good year.

Prediction race: Me 1 - Lawro 0

Prem Predictions 14/08

2009-08-14T23:45:00.007+01:00

I hate summer. Let me rephrase that: I hate summers without football. If there's not a World Cup, European Championships or *shudder* Olympic tournament to care about then the summer becomes three months of unrelenting tedium. I have nothing to distract me from the alternating rain storms and heatwaves. I try to get into cricket but to no avail, it's just too damn boring. I'd rather shove a watermelon in my brown-eye than watch tennis. Golf is a great game to play but as interesting to watch as a royal wedding. Nothing works.

So it's with great joy and relief that the new Premiership season kicks off tomorrow. The best league in the world is back, and it threatens to be a true classic. How will Man Utd fare without their Portuguese wonderboy? Will Man City's billions break up the hegemony of the top four? Will Burnley be an even bigger embarrassment than the 2007-08 Derby side? Will Phil Brown learn to shut the fuck up? We just don't know, but I can't wait to find out. Here are my predictions for this weekend's top flight matches.

Aston Villa Vs Wigan

Villa haven't really strengthened but have youth and pace to burn. Wigan have only managed to attract inexperienced lower league players to match their inexperienced lower league manager. Martinez will struggle all season and will never match the achievements of Steve Bruce, who took the club as far as they could go. Home advantage will be key here.

Prediction: Villa win relatively easily.

Blackburn Vs Man City

This will be a game of dogged defending against a rampaging attack. Blackburn will be hard to break down, a sign of any Allardyce team (except Newcastle), but City's multi-million pound attack will cause them some real problems. Rovers' physical style will cause City problems of their own, and their players reaction to it will determine the outcome.

Prediction: I'm going for a narrow City victory.

Bolton Vs Sunderland

This won't be one for the ages. Sunderland look a lot stronger than in previous years, with Steve Bruce bringing in some real quality. Bolton are a solid team at home who score very few but concede less.

Prediction: Tough to call, but I think they'll cancel each other out.

Chelsea Vs Hull

This is what scientists refer to as a 'no-brainer'. It's the second best team in the league, on home soil, versus arguably the worst. Chelsea have a squad of such depth and quality that they could field their reserve team and still smash Hull off the park. Hull have essentially the same team as last year, which will cause them major problems, and not just against big boys like Chelsea.

Prediction: Chelsea will win at a canter. I think we'll see a minimum of 4 goals in this match.

Everton Vs Arsenal

This promises to be a very interesting encounter. Everton have been pushing the top four for some time now, and Arsenal are undoubtedly the weakest of that elite group. Everton have regained some of their strikers whereas Arsenal have lost one of theirs. Both sides have strong defences and the addition of Vermaelen to the Arsenal back line should see them become even tougher to breach.

Prediction: Another tough one. Everton will threaten but it'll end in a stalemate.

Portsmouth Vs Fulham

I'd put money on this being the last game on Match of the Day. Portsmouth have a useless manager and have lost their best players without replacement. Fulham were surprisingly good last year and have the talent at the front and back to ensure a repeat.

Prediction: Fulham win by the odd goal.

Stoke Vs Burnley

Clash of the titans. This will not be pretty, but it'll be full blooded and honest. Burnley are a better footballing side than they're given credit for but Stoke only play one way and won't be moved. Neither side has strengthened much over the close season, so I expect the experience of Stoke to shine through.

Prediction: An ugly but interesting encounter will end with the first taste of Prem defeat for the visitors.

Wolves Vs West Ham

Wolves have some real goalscorers in their team, specifically Ebanks-Blake and Doyle. They don't necessarily have the same quality in the middle and at the back though. West Ham, like Fulham, did superbly on limited resources last season and reproducing that would be seen as a success. Without the ever-injured Dean Ashton they lack firepower and it's hard to see where the goals will come from.

Prediction: Wolves will be the only promoted side to get all three points this weekend.

Man Utd Vs Birmingham

Another one that's easy to call. Even without Ronaldo United are the best team in the league. They have the deepest squad and the best tactics. Birmingham have greatly improved their squad over the summer which makes them almost an unknown quantity, but even this won't be enough to surprise United on their own turf.

Prediction: United win with ease and Owen opens his account.

Tottenham Vs Liverpool

The Spurs faithful think Harry Redknapp is the man to finally lead them back to the big time and they expect a real push for Champions League football this year. I think it's a season too early for that. Liverpool have lost some key players and failed to sign any big names, and Sunday will come too soon for their growing list of injured players

Prediction: Liverpool will miss Gerrard this week, but I think they'll just edge it.

So there we are, my first Prem predictions of the year. I'll recap how accurate I was when I write my weekend round up in a couple of days. I can't be any less accurate than this twat.

The Sack Race

2009-08-13T21:30:00.009+01:00

With any new season comes the inevitable sacking of managers. Occasionally they get hoofed due to their own incompetence, but mostly it's done thanks to the reactionary impulses of club chairmen. With this in mind I thought I'd assess my top three picks for this year's Premiership sack race.

Who?
Paul Hart - Portsmouth

Why?

Hart is one of the more unlikely candidates to be a Premier League manager. Prior to taking the reigns at Pompey last year his previous job had been a disastrous six month stint at Conference side Rushden & Diamonds. His most high profile failure was his three year stay with Forest where he achieved absolutely nothing. In fact he's achieved nothing in his entire managerial career. Yes, 21 years in management and what does he have to show for it? Fuck all. Not one trophy, not one title. Yet he was deemed worthy of managing a Premiership team. Insanity.

That alone is reason to put him as front runner in the sack race, but when you factor in the problems with the club itself his departure seems like an inevitability. Pompey are in the middle of a takeover that's left the future of the club up in the air. This lack of ownership means Hart has no money to buy new players. Plus the fact they've been selling off the family silver all summer, losing star names such as Peter Crouch and Glen Johnson to Prem rivals. The fact is Pompey are going to face a relegation battle all season, and if Hart is still in charge by the new year then I'm a fucking Dutchman*.

*waar zijn de toiletten, alsjeblieft?

Right decision?

Undoubtedly. This abject failure of a human being is not the right man for this, or any, club.

Who?
Phil Brown - Hull

Why?

Bearded, mouthy, over tanned self-publicist Phil Brown will struggle to keep his job this year. He was seen as a god in East Yorkshire for getting Hull to the big time, but he was single handedly responsible for their appalling/hilarious implosion last year. They started well but a moment of supreme arrogance and hubris from Brown made them plummet down the table and survive only by the skin of their teeth. When Brown decided to give his underperforming side an on-pitch halftime team-talk he not only destroyed the morale of his team but showed himself to be a twat of gargantuan proportions.

This summer has seen Hull rejected by every available player on the market: Michael Owen inexplicably chose to sign for the best club in the world, Villa gazumped them for Habib Beye after they had an offer accepted, and even Bobby Zamora refused to sink that low. This can't just be blamed on Hull's 'unfashionable' status, much of the blame has to be placed squarely at Brown's door. As long as he sees himself as more of a media personality than an employee of Hull City the club will not succeed. They will be relegated this season and he'll be a pundit on Channel 5 this time next year.

Right decision?

Yes, yes and thrice yes. The man is an orange faced bellend and should be given his P45 immediately.

Who?
Alex McLeish - Birmingham

Why?

He may be an outside bet but he's far from safe in his job. It's no secret that he's hardly endeared himself to the board, with them having to publicly back him last year, even when they were top of the league. The dull, functional football that the team play has also made him unpopular with the Birmingham fans, a notoriously hard to please bunch (read: miserable cunts). Whilst I can't entirely blame him for this he will need to develop a better rapport with the supporters if he wants to keep his job.

Last season he struggled to bring in players due to a lack of funds, but this year the board have opened up their wallets and allowed him to splash out on established Prem players and unproven, but highly rated, foreigners. This will only serve to pile further pressure on him though as he no longer has any excuse for boring, defensive football. I fear that if Birmingham find themselves anywhere near the bottom three by Christmas then Big Eck will be fishing around the SPL for a new job.

Right decision?

Probably not, but frankly I couldn't give a lusty fuck about the boring jock shit anyway.

Week One Review

2009-08-12T23:17:00.015+01:00

So there we are. One week down in the new season, and it's been quite a week. It's been a week of shocks, both in the Football League and in the League Cup, and there's no better place to start than at Carrow Road.

Norwich boss Bryan Gunn

Recently relegated Norwich were expected to be a good shout for an instant return to The Championship, but a 7-1 home fucking by Colchester has violently highlighted the reality of their situation. A home defeat is always hard to take but it's the manner of the defeat that must really irk the Norwich faithful, it was no less than a cowardly surrender. No wonder those fans chucked their season tickets away. Norwich need to heed the lesson of Leeds and be prepared for a long, hard season. History is no guarantee of success.

Notts County bigwigs

The big story of League Two was Notts County's 5-0 home victory over Bradford. Of course much of the plaudits are going to Sven, and this worries me. Manager Ian McParland still picks the team and buys the players, but I fear any County success will automatically be attributed to the enigmatic Swede, and any sign of failure will end with McParland's head on a plate. It seems to be a lose-lose situation for Ian, and no doubt he's earning far less than Svennis. It'll be interesting to see how this one plays out over the season.

Tim Krul

A lack of victories was the talking point of The Championship with only Coventry, Cardiff, Derby and Leicester managing to take all 3 points. Two promotion favourites met on Saturday, with West Brom and Newcastle sharing the spoils. Newcastle look a lot stronger than their lack of stabilty would suggest, but West Brom had the best of the game forcing Toon 'keeper Tim Krul into a string of excellent saves. Boro and Sheffield United struggled to an awful televised 0-0 draw*. These two sides will need to seriously buck up their ideas if they want to finish anywhere near the top of the league.

*I was majorly aggrieved that the Football League season kicked off on a Friday night. Sky television seems hell-bent on sucking every ounce of tradition out of football.

Derby's league win was spoiled somewhat by their humiliation in the Carling Cup, losing to League Two Rotherham. It's a long way from being semi-finalists, eh Derby? Notts County too returned to Earth with a thump after tasting defeat at home to Doncaster, and Norwich began to restore their pride with a resounding 4-0 victory away at Yeovil. The second round draw threw up a couple of potential banana skins. My money's on Blackpool shocking their Lancashire rivals Wigan, and Southampton dispensing of perennial cup failures Birmingham.

Scotland celebrate. Not today, obviously.

I wasn't going to mention the internationals (as I couldn't give a shiny shite about friendlies or competitive matches that don't feature England) but it would be remiss of me not to mention, and laugh at, Scotland's 4-0 bumming at the hands of Norway, and Wales' humiliating defeat in Montenegro, a team ranked 96th in the world. Neither of these 'home nations' should, or will, qualify for the World Cup. They represent the exact reason why I hate being called 'British'. Oh, England drew.

Catching Up

2009-08-06T21:32:00.011+01:00

I've been rather slack with the updates over the past couple of weeks, so with the season proper beginning tomorrow I thought I'd catch up with the big transfer news of the last fortnight.

Kolo Toure

The cash burning at Eastlands continued with the purchase of Kolo Toure from Arsenal for a reported £16m. This takes City's summer spending to just shy of £4 billion. I've known people show more prudence with Monopoly money. The spending is set to continue with a £22m deal for Joleon Lescott in the offing. Lescott has made known his desire to leave Everton, and they in turn have been sounding out Phillippe Senderos as a replacement. If this transfer merry-go-round continues Arsenal will end up turning to Richard Dunne to shore up their defence. I doubt it though, they've had problems with pissheads in the past.

Darren Bent

Darren Bent managed to engineer himself a move to Sunderland by pissing of the Spurs top brass on his Twitter feed. For the uninitiated Twitter is a 'social networking' website where morons can spout cack to twats (I believe that's their promotional tagline). The selling point of Twitter is that all it allows you to do is post short messages to your feed, so that your 'followers' can know exactly what you're up to at any given time. Wow, what an amazing technological advance this is, now I need never wonder what Les Dennis is up to at 4am on a Wednesday*.

*Crying.

Xabi Alonso

The protracted Xabi Alonso saga is finally over with the Spaniard joining Real for £30m. It dawned on me today that I don't think I've ever seen Alonso run. Either that or he runs so slowly it's undetectable to the human eye. In fact when Claudio Ranieri was at Juventus he decided against signing Alonso for that very reason. Then again this was the man who fucked Chelsea's chances of a Champions League final by taking off a defender and replacing him with a striker, then taking off a midfielder and replacing him with a defender, and playing a striker in midfield. Tinkerman? Fucking lunatic more like.

Obafemi Martins

The expected mass exodus from Newcastle has finally begun to snowball. Firstly Obafemi Martins left the club to join German champions Wolfsburg. Then Tottenham confirmed they were in talks with Sebastien Bassong over a potential move. This was followed later in the day by the news that Hull had agreed a fee with the Toon for Habib Beye. Let's get this right: Newcastle are in some deep shit right now. They have no manager, an owner desperate to sell but no one willing to pay his price, players leaving seemingly by the minute and just two days before they start the season against West Brom. I'm seriously beginning to regret tipping them for the title.

Goodbye, Sir Bobby

2009-08-01T20:48:00.006+01:00

Sir Bobby Robson

It saddens me to speak of the tragic passing of Sir Bobby Robson. There's little to say that hasn't already been said, but for what it's worth Sir Bobby was a true legend of the game. This was the man who led England to our best World Cup run since '66. The man who took Newcastle United from the bottom of the league to the Champions League. This was the man who won silverware in four countries. This was the man who made an unfashionable East Anglian club into a European force. Put simply: this was a man who knew what he was doing.

Apart from Bobby the manager was Bobby the man. He was a true gent, relentlessly positive, worked tirelessly for charity and was loved by everyone in the game. I have many great memories of Bobby, perhaps none greater than him putting a fatherly arm around Gazza after the '90 semi-final shootout, but beyond his successes I'll always remember the laughter he brought, often unintentionally. I'll finish with a story about Bobby told by Howard Wilkinson:

"My best memories of Bobby are the funny ones, all the more funny because he remained blissfully unaware, nor offended that his faux pas became a source of such fun.

"At one England Under-21 gathering, I selected Shola Ameobi who was a young striker at Newcastle under him. Bobby had also bought at great expense Carl Cort, a striker from Wimbledon.

"Shola had about six Christian names, most of them, to me, unpronounceable and in an attempt to put him at his ease on his debut performance, I called the lad over and asked him what Bobby called him when he was at the club.

"With absolutely no sense of resentment, rather more with a sense of love and understanding, Shola said, 'Carl Cort, mostly'."

I think the "love and understanding" line says it all. RIP Sir Bobby. You will be missed.

The Scumbag XI

2009-07-23T19:51:00.027+01:00

In honour of Steven Gerrard's court appearance for allegedly twatting some bloke in a pub I've decided to put together a fantasy football team consisting of criminals, cheats and cunts. I call it The Scumbag XI:

Name: Luke McCormick

Position: Goalkeeper

Former Plymouth 'keeper McCormick was jailed in 2008 for reckless driving leading to the death of two children. Brothers Arron, 8, and Ben, 10, were on a day out with their father when McCormick smashed into their car in his Range Rover. A terrible accident perhaps? No. McCormick was pissed-up. Twice the legal limit in fact. His idiocy and recklessness led to the untimely death of two kids and destroyed the lives of their parents. He deserves to rot in jail for the rest of his miserable life, but will clearly only serve half of his measly seven year sentence. British justice at work.

Name: Ashley Cole
Position: Defender

There are many reasons to dislike Ashley Cole: being a mercenary bastard, being married to one of the most beautiful women in the world, cheating on said woman with an absolute hog, allegedly shoving a mobile phone up his arse, the list goes on. Of these sleeping with the hairdresser is the worst sin. Never, under any circumstances, go out for a burger when you've got steak at home. Also, surely Cashley knew that the low-rent slapper was going to tout her story to the tabloids for a few pieces of silver? So not only is he greedy, spawny, untrustworthy and bent, he's also really fucking thick.

Name: Chris Morgan

Position: Defender

The Sheffield United defender has a track record of evil such as punching Robin Van Persie in the chest, but his pièce de résistance was elbowing Iain Hume in the head. The intentional collision left Hume with a fractured skull and internal bleeding. His injuries were considered life threatening and required him to have surgery, keeping him out of the game for nine months. At the time the foul received only a yellow card and Morgan escaped punishment from the FA. This is the greatest crime of all. What Morgan did was tantamount to assault. He should have been subject to criminal prosecution, let alone FA censure.

Name: Sinisa Mihajlovic
Position: Defender

The former Lazio centre back is a notorious racist bastard. In 2000 he was accused of calling Patrick Vieira a "black shit". Mihajlovic admitted the charge but claimed it was in response to Vieira's own racist remark of "gypsy shit". Two things to note here: firstly gypsies aren't a race, no matter what they say, and secondly referring to someone as a "gypsy shit" is funny, no matter the situation. It's no surprise that Mihajlovic succumbed to racism, seeing as he was playing for possibly the most racist team in the world at the time. A team loved by none other than Mussolini himself.

Name: Jonathan Woodgate
Position: Defender

The man apparently known as 'Village', as in idiot, has done some stupid things in his time but possibly none more so than attacking an Asian student outside a Leeds nightclub. Village, along with three other morons, launched a vicious attack on Sarfraz Najeib where he suffered a broken leg, nose and cheekbone. Village managed to escape the jail sentence he deserved and got away with some cushy community service. I like to think that karma caught up with him in the end though. Upon signing for Real Madrid in 2004 he failed to make an appearance in his first season due to injury, and when he finally made his debut he scored an own goal and was sent off. Village indeed.

Name: Lee Bowyer
Position: Midfielder

Hunchback of Notre Dame lookalike Bowyer was one of Village's co-morons in their cowardly attack on a student. The amusing thing here is that Bowyer, despite being acquitted on all charges, was labelled a "liar" by the Judge, meaning that publications (and half arsed blogs) can refer to Bowyer as a liar without fear of legal repercussions. It's not just nightclubs where Lee enjoys a punch-up, he's also fond of them on the pitch. Mid-match. With his own team mate. His brawl, and subsequent dismissal, with team mate Kieron Dyer will go down as one of the most hilarious events in football history. Look at the above photo, even Stephen Carr is smiling.

Name: Dennis Wise (pictured here with Kevin Keegan)
Position: Midfielder

The man that Alex Ferguson once said could "start a fight in an empty house" with a rap sheet longer that he is, Dennis Wise is the ultimate scumbag. From an unprovoked attack on a taxi driver, to biting the arm of an opponent, to breaking the cheekbone of a teammate over a game of poker. The worst part of the Callum Davidson face smashing incident is that Davidson wasn't even the one in an argument with Wise, Callum made the mistake of attempting to calm the situation and faced the full 5ft fury of Wise. Wise was, understandably, sacked by Leicester after this incident, but his inexplicable attempts to sue for unlawful dismissal were the catalyst for City going into administration. What a cunt.

Name: Joey Barton
Position: Midfielder

My feelings on Joey Barton are well documented. Just to reiterate: stubbing cigar in teammate's eye, punching a child, beating colleagues to a pulp, beating civilians to a pulp...just another Friday night for Joey Barton. The most heinous thing about this twat is that after every violent incident he'll keep the beatings to a minimum for a week or two then release some bullshit statement about how he's changed, only to be caught on CCTV smashing holy fuck out of a passerby five minutes later.

Name: Roy Keane
Position: Midfielder

Keane is a self-confessed scumbag. He admitted in his autobiography that in 2001 he intentionally stamped on the knee of Alf-Inge Haaland, leading to an injury that eventually ended Haaland's career. This alone is a twattish act, but it becomes more twattish when you realise it was a pre-meditated attack of festering revenge. In a 1997 match Keane hurt himself attempting to tackle Haaland, and as Keane lay injured Haaland mocked him. For this simple act of mockery Roy Keane locked himself in a room for four years while he concocted a fiendish plan of revenge. And that plan was...stamp on him. Nice one Keano.

Name: Marlon King
Position: Striker

Serial offender King is never far from the news headlines, and it's never for his goal scoring ability. In 2002 he served five months in nick for handling a stolen car. The thing that bugs me about this the most was that at the time he was a First Division footballer earning in the region of 10k a week, so why the hell did he feel the need to get hold of a knocked-off BMW? You'd think his time in clink would have taught him a lesson but no, in 2008 he was banned from driving for doing 106mph in a 60mph area (presumably in a stolen car), and then later that year was arrested on suspicion of punching some bird in the face in a bar. He might as well just retire from football and take up twattery full time.

Name: Lee Hughes
Position: Striker

Murdering coward Lee Hughes may well be the biggest scumbag on this list. Bigger even than Dennis Wise. In 2002 Hughes smashed his posh Merc into a Renault, killing the passenger inside. What did Hughes do at this point? Did he call an ambulance? Did he wait to speak to the police? No, he ran off. He fled the scene like the cowardly, pathetic shit that he is because, surprise surprise, he'd been drinking. He eventually turned himself into the police and served three years. As soon as he came out he returned to football with Oldham (who I will never forgive). The fact that he was allowed to return to his luxurious high-paid lifestyle angers me beyond belief. Just thinking about him makes my blood boil. And now he's part of the Sven revolution at Notts County. If there's any justice in the world he will be killed in a car accident on the way to his first day of training.

Sven's Gone Mad

2009-07-22T18:57:00.010+01:00

Sven-Goran Eriksson

File this under 'The Weirdest Fucking Thing I've Ever Heard', Sven-Goran Eriksson has signed on to become Director of Football at...wait for it...Notts County. Notts County! Yes the former head coach of Lazio and England is now boss of the fifth biggest club in the East Midlands (I'm counting Northampton). Svennis decided to join the League Two outfit after their new Middle-Eastern owners outlined their plans for the club. Well, that and the £2m a year they're paying him.

Marco Boogers

I've seen and heard some strange shit in my 20 years of watching football but this ranks up there with some of the all time greats. This is 'Mad' Marco Boogers running away from West Ham and being found in a Dutch caravan strange. This is Graham Poll giving a player 3 yellow cards strange. This is Michael Ricketts playing for England strange. This is Willy Gueret getting nicked during a match strange. This is Gary Charles being found pissed up in his car surrounded by torn up banknotes and his own shit strange. It's just very, very strange.

Bonkers Brum

2009-07-16T20:18:00.011+01:00

Birmingham City are a very strange club. And I can prove it.

Cameron Jerome

Exhibit A) This week they handed striker Cameron Jerome a new five year deal, despite him only managing to find the net nine times last term. Knowing, as I do, many Birmingham City supporters I know that Jerome is thought by the fans to be a useless piece of shit. The general consensus is that he doesn't work hard, doesn't run enough and couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo. Yet Alex McLeish believes him a Premier League worthy forward.

Barry Ferguson

Exhibit B) They are in final talks to buy Barry Ferguson. This is the same Barry Ferguson who got pissed up before a Scotland World Cup qualifier against Iceland. The same Barry Ferguson who then went on to make petulant V-sign gestures to the crowd in that same match, effectively ending his international career. Oh, and the same Barry Ferguson who in his first stint in the Premiership was an embarrassing failure and was soon shipped back to Rangers, leaving Blackburn with a £3m loss. Yet Alex McLeish believes him a Premier League worthy midfielder.

Joey Barton

Exhibit C) They are rumoured to be interested in bringing in Joey Barton on loan. This is the same Joey Barton who stubbed out a cigar in a team mate's eye. The same Joey Barton who punched a 15-year-old Everton fan. The same Joey Barton who received a suspended prison sentence for beating the shit out of a team mate on the training pitch. The same Joey Barton who served two months in nick for assault on a 16-year-old. Yet Alex McLeish believes him not to be a subhuman violent scumbag who has no right to the luxury of being a professional footballer, and should be behind bars for the good of society.

Jeff Hall Memorial Clock

There is much more evidence of Birmingham City's strangeness: signing expensive unproven Ecuadorians, installing undersoil heating about 20 years after every other club, the world's smallest clock, Karen Brady. The list goes on, but surely the Joey Barton rumour is the strangest. Can you imagine Barton and Lee Bowyer in the same side? They'd be sent off every week for kicking the living piss out of one another. Actually, that's not a bad idea. Sign him up McLeish.

Man City Madness

2009-07-15T21:40:00.010+01:00

Emmanuel Adebayor

It appears that Emmanuel Adebayor's promotional brochure has done the trick. He has today completed a medical at Man City and looks set to join Mark Hughes' Manc revolution in a £25m deal. So with the Tevez deal that's £50.5m of Arab money that Hughes has spent on strikers this week. Based on their combined goals scored last season that's approximately £1.6m per goal. If you factor in the £17.5m for Roque Santa Cruz and his goal return last season the figure then becomes £1.8m per goal. Value for money? I think not.

It's fair to say that the three strikers hardly set the Premiership alight last season. The notoriously lazy and disinterested Adebayor managed just 10 league goals (16 in all competitions), the oft-injured Santa Cruz netted just 6 times all season (4 in the league), and (the admittedly bench-warming) Tevez scored just 5 league goals (15 all in). Yet this return has apparently prompted Hughes to splash out the GDP of a minor African nation to acquire their services.

Roque Santa Cruz

Former Man City player Dennis Tueart is quoted as saying: "The big challenge for managers now is to manage extremely wealthy young men, who do not need to work beyond their football careers." He couldn't be more right. If Adebayor couldn't be bothered to apply himself for a top four side, how the hell can he be expected to put the effort in for a mid-table side when he knows that win, lose or draw he'll still go home to his Cheshire mansion, fleet of sports cars and trophy wife?

Santa Cruz has also shown himself to be something of a fair-weather player. Last term he seemed to be putting in the bare minimum of effort in the knowledge that he'd almost certainly be leaving Blackburn at the end of the season. If this is the strike force that Hughes thinks will graft and shoot them to the top of the table he's sorely mistaken. At least Tevez has something to prove, he'll want to show the red side of Manchester what they're missing, so he may well end up being worth his transfer fee.

Ludicrous fees and bad attitudes aside, just how many strikers do Man City have now? It appears that Hughes intends to field a team something like this next season:

Hartson Critical

2009-07-15T21:13:00.009+01:00

John Hartson

It has been reported today that former Arsenal and Celtic striker John Hartson is in critical condition in hospital after surgery. On Monday it was announced that he was suffering from testicular cancer which has spread to his brain, and today it was revealed that it has also spread to his lungs. I can only hope that Hartson follows in the footsteps of fellow footballers Geoff Horsfield, Neil Harris and Alan Stubbs. All of them contracted testicular cancer, had successful surgery and fully recovered.

Lance Armstrong

Obviously Hartson's case is somewhat worse than the aforementioned, but that doesn't mean all hope is lost. In 1996 cyclist Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with cancer of the testicle, lungs and brain, much like John. After successful treatment Armstrong went on to win seven back-to-back Tour De France titles, and is currently part of the leading pack in that very race. Hopefully John can take heart from that. If Hartson the player is any indication of Hartson the man then one thing's for sure: he won't give up without a fight.

Predictions 2009-10

2009-07-12T14:48:00.011+01:00

Every year Blue Maniac and I have a competition where we predict the Premiership table, the ups and downs of the Football Leagues (with the exception of League Two), and the winners of the domestic and international cups. We use an unscientific yet workable scoring system (that I shan't begin to describe) and at the end of the season the winner buys the other one a curry. Blue Maniac won last year after two successive victories for myself. Let's take a look at this year:

Premier League

1) Man Utd
2) Chelsea
3) Liverpool
4) Arsenal

I think it's going to be pretty much 'as you were' at the top of the table. Man Utd's strength in depth, plus the cash from the Cristiano Ronaldo sale, will see their fourth successive title. The addition of Michael Owen will be a shrewd move and his link up play with Wayne Rooney will bring a lot of goals.

The influence of Carlo Ancelotti will see Chelsea regain their place as Utd's closest challengers, with Liverpool once again being also-rans. The scousers need to stop relying on Gerrard and Torres to win games, or else the title they so crave will continue to elude them. A lack of investment and a dearth of new ideas will see Arsenal continue to be a distant 4th to the top three.

5) Everton
6) Man City
7) Aston Villa
8) Tottenham

Consistency is the key for Everton who will hold on to fifth place and qualify for Europe once again, but holding on to Joleon Lescott will be a priority. The big defender is integral to the Toffee's success, not only defensively but by pitching in with a few goals too. Nouveau riche Man City will bring in enough talent to propel them up the league, but nowhere near to breaking into the top four. Cash can buy players but it can't buy a team.

Villa will look to build on last season when they started strongly but faded badly towards the end. The fickle Villa fans are getting on Martin O'Neill's back, claiming that he's taken them as far as he can. To them I would say: who exactly could take you further? Martin is one of the best managers in the country and his penchant for young, English talent will stand Villa in good stead.

Having Harry Redknapp in the hotseat will put Spurs in the position to push for Europe, his transfer policy of 'throw enough shit and see what sticks' usually provides plenty of flops but also a few genuine successes. If they prune the dead leaves (Bent, Bentley, Pavlyuchenko) and bring in some new blood they'll do OK.

9) West Ham
10) Bolton
11) Fulham
12) Sunderland
13) Wigan
14) Blackburn

The mid-table will look much like it always does. West Ham will do well under Zola and Clarke but a lack of funds will inhibit their ability to get any higher than 9th. Bolton have steadied under Gary Megson with their previous defensive frailties having been somewhat solved. Last year's surprise package Fulham will look to repeat their achievements and the experience and knowledge of Roy Hodgson should allow them to do so. Wigan and Blackburn are perennial Prem also-rans and I see nothing this year to think that this will change.

15) Stoke
16) Wolves
17) Birmingham
18) Portsmouth
19) Burnley
20) Hull

The relegation battle will be an interesting one this year. Stoke did superbly well last year and were a hair's breadth from a top half finish. The rest of the league is wise now to their physical style and throw-in heavy attack so they won't have the element of surprise in their favour. Despite that I see them finishing well above the drop zone.

New boys Wolves and Birmingham are investing heavily on success, with Wolves splashing £6.5m on Kevin Doyle and Brum shelling out £9m on unproven Ecuadorian Christian Benitez. This could be a risky strategy for both sides, but their last stints in the Prem were marked by a lack of investment and eventual relegation so their cavalier spending this time is understandable. Come the end of the season the existence of 3 worse teams will see them safe.

Those worse teams are Portsmouth, Burnley & Hull. Pompey have been flirting with disaster for a couple years now, and with the ongoing saga over their ownership unsettling the players they're destined for Championship football in a years time. Burnley, it's a shame to say, will have neither the money nor talent to compete in the big league so will drop out of the Prem after just a year. I genuinely hope I'm wrong here.

Hull will (and deserve to) be relegated. Despite a great start that saw them get wins over Arsenal and Spurs and draws against Liverpool and Everton they capitulated in the second half of the season. They were an abomination and survived by the skin of their teeth. Self-publicist Phil Brown will moan about everything except himself for the next 10 months until Hull are sent back from whence they came.

The Championship

Champions) Newcastle United
Runner Up) West Brom
Playoffs) Ipswich
Relegated) Scunthorpe, Barnsley & Plymouth

Despite the loss of Michael Owen and eventually several other key players I can't see past Newcastle for the title. The quicker their ownership situation is resolved and Alan Shearer installed as manager the better. The Toon will be a huge draw for any player so Newcastle will have no problem signing the players they need to return to the Prem at the first time of asking.

Archetypal yo-yo club West Brom will once again bounce back to the Premiership. They've managed to retain the core of their Prem squad and a few useful additions such as prolific former Swindon striker Simon Cox will fire them towards the top. New manager Roberto Di Matteo is unproven at this level but I think he has the natural flair to be a success. Only time will tell.

Ipswich have been languishing in the Championship for many years now without any hint of success, but I think this year may be their year. It's impossible to overstate the importance of Roy Keane, a manger who commands respect and loyalty and has experience of getting an underperforming team out of this division. I think automatic promotion is out of the question but a playoff win is well within their grasp.

Not much to say about the relegation picture except that I think Scunthorpe will struggle to deal with the step up from League One. Barnsley and Plymouth were shocking last season and I can't see anything to suggest that they won't be just as bad this year.

League One

Champions) Leeds
Runner Up) MK Dons
Playoffs) Norwich
Relegated) Exeter, Wycome, Carlise & Swindon

Leeds' torrid tenure in the third tier will finally come to an end this season. With a good young manager in Simon Grayson they have all the attributes to win the league, but only as long as they hold onto star men Delph and Beckford. The return of Paul Ince to the MK Dons should see them build on last year's success and see them promoted for the second time in three years. Norwich are the best equipped of the relegated teams to bounce back, but only through the playoffs. New boys Exeter and Wycombe will share the relegation spots with Carlise and Swindon, the latter of whom won't recover from the loss of Simon Cox.

The Cups

FA Cup) Liverpool
League Cup) Manchester City
Champions League) Chelsea
Europa League) Zenit St. Petersburg
World Cup) England
African Nations) Egypt

With the Premiership title beyond them Liverpool's best chance of success comes in the domestic cups. Benitez will be under pressure from the board and supporters to deliver silverware and I think it'll be their names on this year's FA Cup. Whilst I've stated elsewhere that Man City will win nothing I'm hedging my bets here and tipping them for the League Cup. Mark Hughes is another manager under pressure and realistically this is all they could win so Hughes will field his strongest eleven in each round.

After several years of being the nearly mean Chelsea will finally get their hands on the Champions League. I'd even go so far as to predict that they'll beat their old manager, and current Inter Milan boss, Jose Mourinho in the final. My hope for this year's trophy is that Man Utd face Real Madrid and destroy them, just to see Ronaldo's face. Truth be told I've completely guessed at the Europa League winners, opting for one of the Russian clubs. Mafia money goes a long way.

Obviously I've let my heart rule my head here but I'm tipping England for World Cup success. There is absolutely no doubt that we have good enough players, and we have one of the very best managers in the world. We just need our big names to perform and a heavy dose of good luck. If our qualifying games are anything to go by we should have no trouble scoring goals, we just need to make sure we've the right goalkeeper between sticks keeping them out.

I know very little about the African Nations as in past years I've found it to be unwatchable, but as Egypt have won the last two I'm taking the easy bet and tipping them for a third.

So there are my predictions. Hopefully this time next year I'll be celebrating an England World Cup win with a free curry.

Man City Transfer Talk

2009-07-12T12:09:00.013+01:00

Samuel Eto'o

According to reports Manchester City have pulled the plug on their move for Barcelona's Samuel Eto'o. Hmmm, "pulled the plug"? So it was City's decision not to sign a man who would never play for them in a million fucking years was it? This reminds me of when Andy Cole announced his international retirement despite not having played for his country for a year, not being picked for the World Cup squad, and generally being considered not good enough to wear the shirt. Both of these incidents are examples of 'You Can't Fire Me, I Quit' syndrome.

John Terry

The Sunday rags are reporting that John Terry has demanded talks with City about a move to Eastlands after showdown talks with Roman Abramovich. If this is true (which it almost certainly isn't) it doesn't change my belief that Terry will never be a Manchester City player. As I said in my last post he has far too much loyalty and ambition to join City. Why would an already wealthy player leave a successful club that annually compete for four trophies in order to join one that hasn't won anything for 33 years? If he has asked to talk to City it's purely as leverage to acquire a better contract at Chelsea.

Carlos Tevez

By most accounts the Tevez move is all but done, with him set to sign for £25m on Tuesday. I have to believe that this is Carlos' big "fuck you" to Alex Ferguson, and who can blame him. Ferguson made very little effort to keep Tevez, despite his obvious commitment to the club and desire to succeed. This commitment and desire endeared him to the Old Trafford fans, so it's a shame that his "fuck you" to Ferguson is a "fuck you" to them too.

Shitty Kit Showcase

2009-07-11T21:35:00.007+01:00

A new Premiership season brings a new set of kits, some stylish, some functional and some downright disgusting. Let's look at some of the latter.

Bolton:

This is just awful. I'm all for retro styling but this 80s abomination is just wrong. Those stripes at the bottom of the shirt are both ugly and unnecessary. What makes this all the more egregious is that it's designed by high-end sportsware manufacturer Reebok. If it were made by Errea or Jako then I could understand it being this shit, but as it's Reebok there's absolutely no excuse. I hope this kit is the reason why Bolton's summer targets choose not to sign for the club. That and the fact that Gary Megson is a cunt.

Chelsea:

To be fair this one really isn't that bad, but I can't not comment on the bizarre armour plating style design on the front of the shirt. It looks like a stab vest. But the big question is whether John Terry will be wearing the kit this season. Will he? Yes, of course he fucking will. Terry is one of the most loyal, driven men in football. There is no way in hell that he'll chase the pound signs all the way to Eastlands to play for a club that will win precisely fuck all.

Everton:

What the fuck is going on here? The shirt looks like a maternity dress. There is absolutely no excuse for the bib-like white triangle below the neck. It looks awful and serves no purpose. Much like Phil Neville. Eh? Classic.

Man Utd:

Continuing the theme of pointless affectations we have the black flash on the new Man Utd shirt. At least this has a very specific purpose: to make this kit look marginally different to last year's so that the millions of United fans across the globe fork out yet another £50. Football clubs just love fucking their fans. That said, if any fans deserve a royal fucking it's United fans. The self-satisfied, glory hunting, smug, cockney cunts.

Wolves:

Christ! My eyes, my eyes! This is insanely bright. Wolves kits used to be a less offensive gold, but this tangerine number is just ridiculous. That's two teams in the Prem now with grim orange and black kits, Hull being the other. What's the odds on both of them joining fellow eye-offenders Blackpool in the Championship next season? Maybe I'll ask Sporting Bet.